5.16.2017

DNF & Starting Over

On April 3rd I started a 30-day challenge - Core de Force Deluxe (affiliate link and I would be honored to be your coach) - and all was going splendidly well until April 28th when a cold took root and turned into bronchitis and needless to say, my training went to just a mile a day to keep the streak alive.

My goal was to wrap up this challenge after getting back to healthy and to get another challenge in before summer vacation - and yes, I will still be running and cross training on vacay but this was a goal I set for myself.

To achieve this I had to start my new program yesterday in order for the next challenge to be a 30-day challenge. Yes, that was my goal too.

But this bronchitis and the retreat I went to wore me out and things did not progress back up to par as planned and I opted to rip that calendar off the fridge, crumple it up, and accept a DNF with darling daughter by my side witnessing me throwing in one towel only to move on to the next challenge. Those 5 missed workouts will no longer bring me down as it was time to build back up.

And on my tight schedule, that building up with a new challenge had to start yesterday but....I was feeling beat up and worn down and opted to spring clean the house. Yes, that made perfect sense to me and you know what, it was invigorating and refreshing in a different sort of way and just what the doctor ordered. Things are bright and shiny and smelling so fresh and new and that is the perfect way to start a new challenge, right?! Of course right!

But today I was a day behind my plan so what does this crazy running momma do? Do two days of workouts in one day! I knew I could because of the length and intensity of day 1 but by golly, that day 2 had an impact and represents new workout 25 for this year. YAY!!!

So what am I doing? Here is a preview....


I am doing Core de Force - Hybrid which is a mix of the amazing Core de Force programs PLUS other great workouts that you can easily stream through Beachbody on Demand. Seriously y'all, this is way cool and I would love to tell you  more if you are interested. You can leave a comment or email me anytime.

This hybrid program combines a lot of different workouts and the All Access Pass makes it all affordable for me and that means a lot. Plus I love the diversity of the workouts for two main reasons. First, it keeps working out fun and fresh. Second, changing things up yields better results and helps you out as your body hits plateaus.

And as much as I would love to earn a little sharing my fitness story to help pay for darling daughter's horse lessons, I also love to share and want you to achieve your goals. So, because I love you, here is the 30-day challenge calendar I am following with my workouts. I am doing this in addition to my daily running where I am still striving to build up mileage in my marathon training.


Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for new fitness programs and challenges.

Daily Bible Verse: Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. ~ Timothy 4:15

5.15.2017

Letting Go

It has been way too long since I have posted but I have been unbelievably busy between getting over a cold that turned into bronchitis, attending an amazing retreat, resting, resting, resting, and trying to get back to me.

The illness knocked me off my training routine and I am struggling to get back into it but part of the struggle may be the weight of this post that has been on my mind and in my heart to write for so long.

There is something about this song that touches me. The walls, the shame, the secrets, the burden can be unbelievably heavy.

Did you listen to it? Go ahead. I'll still be here waiting for you to come back after you really absorb the words.

I have listened to this song many times over the past couple of years (if I am remembering right from when I first received the CD set as a gift from my buddy's mom) but recently it has been pulling and tugging at me.

I have been sharing my story of depression, anxiety, and PTSD but I have been very small in my circle of sharing the core of the issues mainly because I fear judgment and man, have I been hard on myself!

I would love to say Mother's Day was a blast but there was a sadness in me that is still so raw even though I am finally able to say, "I love myself. I forgive myself." How can I not after feeling the warmth of God's love rush through me and being able to yell, "I am mad at you, God, but I still love you immensely!!!" and feel Him wrap His arms around me and say, "I understand and that is okay. You won't always be mad." And I'm not.

But I am hurting and I am mourning. If you have been following my story any extent of time you know how much I love and adore my daughter, how she is my gift from God, and my life. My why. My reason for living and my motivation to be the best me I can be. I am head over heels in love with that girl and she knows it!

But I also have two precious angels in Heaven that tug at my heart strings - one lost due to miscarriage, one due to abortion. I thought I would never be able to forgive myself for being so stupidly blind and believing all the lies and falling under the pressure of coercion but after more than 17 years I can finally say, "I made a very bad choice but that does not make me bad." and just typing those words has opened a flood of tears that need to be released. I have so many and it will take many good cries to let them all out but that is okay. I will be okay.

I am letting "my secret" out because I am just tired of carrying it alone in shame and I am tired of not being able to say, I miss my children in Heaven. I do. I love them immensely. I am not a mother of one child. I am a mother of three PLUS two step sons. That is five kids that I love with all of my heart and soul even though the boys "came to me" when they were older and may not consider me a "mom" but that is okay. I am okay.

And I am strong. My scars are here for all to see but that is okay. It is what I am being called to do. To be the voice of those still too hurt to speak. To be the voice for those who can't speak. To be the voice of pain, sadness, regret, healing, joy, and rediscovery through the grace of God. And I am beyond honored to work for God!

He took one messed up and broken lady and dusted me off. He blessed me with my husband and darling daughter. He got me back into the church moving up from the very back pew where I hid in shame to the front where I could fully hear and embrace mass. He got me to get my marriage validated and to right all the craziness I did out of shame. He gave me the courage to be a lector and to read His word in front of all the congregation without falling down!!! That is big.

But what is bigger is He guided me to Silent No More where I am the Hawaii Regional Coordinator and I will tell my story publicly so others may find healing from their inner turmoil. And if you judge me, that's fine, but I am forgiven and finally have forgiven myself through the grace of God and that is an amazing hug to myself that is all powerful and will lift me up when I feel down.

I am letting go of the guilt, the shame, the pain, the hiding and moving forward in strength and confidence and by golly, it feels good! And to think, Beachbody (affiliate link to my coach page) helped me get this inner strength too! I love that God can use my fitness routines to get me back on track emotionally....and that he can use my blogging and letting go to get back on track physically.

I am letting go of the weight of my secret and will forge ahead in strength!!!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for forgiveness.

Daily Bible Verse: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:31-32

5.02.2017

April 2017 Training Report

Aloha y'all!

How is it going training-wise? Are you nailing your goals? Are on on target or barely slipping by?

One way to keep on track is to take the time to step back and reflect on your workout progress. I like to do this deeply once a month and yes, I flop at times but I am committed to staying focused as I move through my Busy Mom Marathon Training Program.

My April goals were to get a 10 mile run in and to run 30 miles/week (on average). So, how did I do?

In April my double digit days were:

  • 10.1 miles on 4/8
  • 11.14 miles on 4/10
  • 10 miles on 4/15
  • 13.29 miles on 4/21
  • 10.3 miles on 4/22
  • 14.05 miles on 4/24 with 10.5 continuous miles on the road

The 10.5 mile run on the road is important to me as mileage on all days includes run time and run intervals in cross training. For my mileage targets in long run distance, I want that to be at least one continuous run but having multiple days hitting that target distance rocks. I also like that I am ahead of the ball for May in having a 14.05 mile day already under my belt. So goal A is a success.

In April I ran 159 miles so I have an average of 5.3 miles a day or 37.1 miles a week so goal B is a success. YAY!

I cross trained on 27 of the 30 days in April. On April 28th sickness kicked in and I started running just a mile a day and not cross training. I thought I caught darling daughter's cold and was hoping the standard rest and hydrate would bring me back up to speed in no time; however, I was wrong.

Due to the gentle nudging dear hubby gave me, I went to the doctor today and this cold isn't a cold but a good case of bronchitis. I guess I should have figured that one out after resting from Thursday afternoon non-stop and not bouncing back when I often bounce back from a cold in a day, maybe two. I am so slow to remember and admit that when a cough takes hold of me, it takes over. Even darling daughter told me, "Mom, coughs are your nemesis". She is right.

So hopefully, with the antibiotics and inhaler I will be good in no time as I want to get back to training but also have a very important retreat this coming weekend and I need to be 100%. Please pray for me if you are the praying type. I will pray for you and truly appreciate all the healing prayers and vibes I can get in more ways than one.

Now to focus on May training.

My May goals are to nail a 13 mile run and run 35 miles per week. Based on April, this should be completely doable BUT I have downtime with being sick and the upcoming retreat plus some standard long run days have family commitments built into them so let's see what I can do. Most importantly, I want to get back to cross training by the 8th to complete my 30 day cross training program I am doing and I would love to squeeze just one more in before my summer vacation.

Wish me luck!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful dear hubby gave me a kick in the butt and made me go to the doctor...so to speak.

Daily Bible Verse: One does not live on bread along but on every word that comes forth from the mouth of God. ~ Matthew 4:4

5.01.2017

Saint of the Month: Saint Mother Teresa of Culcutta

Have you heard of Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu? Probably not but you probably know who she is. She was born in 1910 in Skopje, Macedonia and her father was a well-respected businessman who provided well for the family. However, he died when Agnes was only 8 leaving Agnes' mother to provide for the family and the financial security they once had wasn't there anymore.

Agnes' mother was deeply devoted and religious and provided for the family through an embroidery and cloth business and obviously left an impact on little Agnes. By the time Agnes was 12 she knew she wanted to devote her life to God. She left home at the age of 18 to go to Ireland to join the Sisters of Loreto and in 1931 she took her vows as a nun. Agnes chose her name in honor of Terese of Lisieux and Teresa of Avila…yes, Agnes was Saint Mother Teresa.
She holds a special place in my heart and darling daughter and I attended a special mass to honor her canonization on September 5, 2016. And Saint Mother Teresa has touched darling daughter's heart too as she has selected her to be her patron saint as she goes through the Confirmation process. I couldn't imagine a better woman to guide my child's faith!

Saint Mother Teresa was devoted to the poor…the poorest of the poor…and stuck to her guns while following God's lead even when the going got tough. And it did. It did get tough.

During Lent, darling daughter and I watched the movie The Letters, which went into Saint Mother Teresa's life and I never knew that she carried an emptiness in her heart as she followed God. Personally, this too touched me especially since during this Lenten season I was deeper in my struggle to overcome/fight depression related to PTSD and was turning to God for guidance and help. There was a sort of comfort to be found that someone, like Saint Mother Teresa, could leave such a profound impact on society while following God even when she may have felt alone and lost.
And to wrap up this post, I wanted to share perhaps some less known facts about Saint Mother Teresa, who I would imagine wouldn't like to be focused on today so please, in respect to her, acknowledge the light of God working through her to help us grow in faith and to see the needs of others.
  • Saint Mother had to petition to leave the convent to go out and serve the poorest of the poor in Calcutta. She forego wearing the traditional nun's habit and opted to wear a sari so she would "fit in" better when she worked in the slums.
  • Saint Mother Teresa refused to accept the traditional Nobel honor banquet and asked that it's budget, $192,000, be given to the poor in India.
  • Saint Mother Teresa taught daughters of the wealthy history and geography at St. Mary's for 15 years but later her teaching moved to teaching the poor to read and write using sticks she found on the ground.
  • Saint Mother Teresa lived to be 87 but last saw her family when she was 18 years old and left to go to Ireland to follow God's calling.

Quote from Saint Mother Teresa: "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."